For many families, holidays are one of the rare times everyone gathers in person. These visits can bring joy — and also reveal changes in older loved ones that may not be noticeable during quick calls or occasional check-ins. Paying attention to those shifts can help families support health, safety, and meaningful connection throughout the year.
Holiday gatherings often highlight early signs of physical, emotional, or cognitive change. “People may notice differences in habits or routines — trouble navigating their surroundings, misplacing items, trouble preparing meals, or a home that doesn’t look as tidy,” says Dr. Leslie Minna, InnovAge’s Vice President of Behavioral Health. She says in some couples, one spouse may quietly cover for the other’s decline.
The emotional impact of family gatherings can also be significant. “Large events can be overstimulating with loved ones with cognitive decline,” Minna explains. “Noise, lights, and lots of activity can lead to frustration — especially when someone is struggling to remember names or follow conversations.” Older adults may also feel grief or regret as they notice their own changing abilities.
Behavioral health is a key part of InnovAge PACE (Program of All-Inclusive Care for the Elderly) in Pennsylvania, called LIFE (Living Independence For the Elderly), which provides coordinated medical, social, emotional, and in-home support to help older adults live safely at home. “Emotional health affects everything — from taking medications on time to staying engaged day to day,” Minna says.
InnovAge behavioral health providers often see the consequences of untreated emotional conditions. Scott, a PACE participant, shared that he initially resisted acknowledging his own needs.
“I didn’t think I had any mental health issues,” he said. “But I realized I could get to a bad place too. People really do need to talk about it.”
Minna offers several ways to make gatherings more comfortable:
She also recommends coordinating with family members beforehand — planning meals that meet dietary needs, agreeing on breaks, and avoiding stressful topics. And she encourages saving serious conversations for after the holiday.
“Give your loved one time to rest,” she says. “Then reconnect for a supportive, judgment-free conversation.” In that conversation be curious and listen to how your loved one is doing, ask them what support might help versus preemptively offering.
Holiday gatherings are also an ideal time to check on an older loved one’s home environment. Courtney Despos, InnovAge’s Senior Vice President of Home and Community Services and Support, oversees teams that provide home safety assessments, daily living support, and 24/7 in-home care through PACE.
“Our teams help prevent emergencies — from medication problems to falls,” Despos says. “The goal is to keep people healthy, safe, and independent in their own homes for as long as possible.”
During visits, families can complete a few simple checks:
How families begin the conversation matters just as much as the checklist. “Older adults are still independent adults,” Despos emphasizes. “Choose a calm, private moment and avoid coming across as controlling. Your goal is to support and empower.”
Ultimately, she says, the most important part of any holiday visit is connection. “Being present shows love — and opens the door to conversations that help older adults stay independent and thriving.”
